I swear...

Only one way ...

Work hard xu shen ...
I must work hard ...
For getting something , I must be willing to sacrifice some other things ...

Work harder will I ?
I am not stupid , just I am fucking lazy , i already knew it , didnt I ?
It is just study , I am sure I can force myself to do it , right ?

Why not work the hardest I can, xu Shen ?
Yea I did lost my motivation to study when that happened ,
but now I've got a new target already isn's it ?

No , don't set a grade to achieve .
Just work hard and do the best I can .
Never dare myself to complain even a single bit before I tried my best , fucker me.

Oh ... i promise myself never shall I feel like a sore loser anymore !
Never shall I feel that myself is so useless anymore !
Never shall I bring more disgrace to myself anymore !
And never to use the word Fucker on myself anymore !

Work hard ! I have a target. Get better results . I've promised the dean to work hard . Don't i dare simply make empty promises ! I must always keep this in mind , I get to go Poland because i promised him i'll improve on my results !

SO !

Get good grade ! Go Europe ! Go Poland !

Fuck Myself real hard and deny myself all the fucking useless entertainments !


argh .

Xu Shen .
Signed frustratedly on 4 oct 2008 , after knowing i flunked badly for my midterm test and got selected for europe exchange program !!!

p/s :Never in so long feel that I am again so negative anymore. I realize negativity is my ultimate driving energy .